No Good

I had dreams with marching bands in them last night. Marching bands and summer camps. I had it all straight in the fleeting moments between asleep and awake. Now that I'm completely awake all I can focus on is how insanely sick I am. My sinuses might explode, and if I close my mouth I will no longer be able to breathe. On the upside I have the weekend off. So basically free to be as sick as I want. great.

sick and grumpy

In this moment, I feel badly about many things I've done. Like stones that lay heavily on my chest. I do this weird thing when I think of something I'm ashamed/hurt/embarrassed/sad about. After that one little thought breaks through, I open the gate to all the things that make me feel truly awful. There is no purpose to it, and perhaps there is a chemical/psychological reason for it. Lately I've tried really hard to shut the door before anything pierces through the consciousness. Self preservation is a powerful thing. Aaagh. I wonder if this ever happens to anyone else.

Shopping for Dan's new apt.

so this is the new year...

I'm sick. Nose stuffed up, sore throat, and throbbing head. I would like to just lounge around or sleep all day, but I have to be at work at 2:30... make that 5pm now. A little phone work goes a long way.